You know how it is: you have a decent buzz going, it's the third quarter, and, honestly, it's not like your girlfriend is going to know you used one of the empty beer bottles as a urinal. But you're hungry. The cordless is all the way across the room, and the bloody dog will chase a stick all day, but not fetch the $%&#^@ phone.

Last week, you would have been boned. But not today! As of Monday, you can order a fresh piping hot pizza from Domino's via your TiVo! We have the super-secret methods inside.

Users have two ways of ordering pizza: first, they can set up an account with Dominos.com, then simply enter an access number to begin the order process. Users can also access the Dominos site through any number of entry points -- Gold Star sponsorship, program placements, interactive tags in live TV spots, and through Music, Photos, Products & More by clicking on "Order Your Pizza" -- and manually enter an address and pizza order. Users will also be able to track their pizzas, according to Domino's.

"Joining forces with Domino's Pizza creates an effective marketing and commerce tool for Domino's while enhancing and further distinguishing TiVo as the ultimate way to watch TV with a closed-loop advertising experience," said Karen Bressner, senior vice president of advertising sales for TiVo, in a statement. (For the love of god, Karen, just say that people might like to order a pizza while watching six straight episodes of "Ghost Hunters" back to back.)

The Domino's service is free, but users will have to pay in cash for their order, TiVo sai -- OK, hold up, Whoa. You mean I actually have to get up off the couch, find my wallet, and walk over to the door?

I want a way to send an email from my TiVo controller to Karen. It may take me a good half hour or so to write using the on-screen keyboard, but I can assure you it will be scathing.