Is it true? I can't be sure. This is a story that was widely reported about five years ago and then promptly forgotten. I've never been invited to the Googlepex (and this entry pretty much insures that won't change). And, in Google's defense, fourteen buttons seems a little complex for a company so focused on simple user interfaces. Purely because of my opportunity to use corny puns, let's go on the assumption "The Citizen" knows its... Wow, the missing word is actually apropos here!

The claimed commode is from Japan. It's the Toto Jasmin Washlet E200 (marginally NSFW). Japan is a nation obsessed with the porcelain bus. Even there, Toto stands out as the Tiger Woods of toilets. No detail has been left to chance. Here are some of the features you get for a little north of $1,000 from one company that sells it:

• Gentle Aerated Warm Water
• Warm Air Dryer
• Automatic Air Deodorizer
• Heated Seat with Temperature Control
• Self Cleaning Dual Action Spray
• Remote Control With Large LCD Panel
• SoftClose Seat

Let's talk "soft close seat" for a moment. That means no noise--no waking your partner in the next room if the seat slips from your hands as you leave the darkened bathroom. That's worth a grand all by itself, isn't it?

Here's the pitch: "Engineered for luxury, Jasmin is full-featured, with front and rear warm water cleansing, a convenient remote control, a pulsating water feature, and even a massage feature, which cycles front and rear streams for unparalleled cleaning. Jasmin allows you to adjust water temperature, water pressure and the position of the gentle aerated stream.

At the touch of a button, cleansing is followed by a mild hands-free warm air dryer, adjustable to three settings. Jasmin's heated SoftClose seat provides comfort and relaxation at a temperature you control. With a built-in air deodorizer, Jasmin keeps the bathroom fresh during and after use." - source: Toto

I was still confused about the fourteen button interface, so I counted. Uh oh. It looks like "The Citizen" found the wrong model. The E200 is a much simpler seven button remote. They probably could have gotten away with six, but front cleaning and rear cleaning seem to be separate functions.

This is now a close second to flying on Larry and Sergey's 767 on my "Google Fantasy To-Do List." Well--it's second unless I have a lot coffee. You know how that goes.