I bought a new computer for my kids over the weekend. I was spending WAY too much time keeping their old one limping along. Looking for a bargain, I drove to a major west-coast computer mega-retailer, one that I hadn't visited in five years or more. The consumer experience was absolutely remarkable. It will probably take another five years for the painful memories to fade enough that I'd consider coming within a half-mile of the place.

At first it seemed great - a gigantic high-ceilinged space the size of Rhode Island with everything electronic in the world for sale. A minor trek across the miles of aisles brought me to the computer department, with more models on display than I've ever seen at one time. The fresh-faced sales associate pointed me at some wonderfully fancy models, but didn't look too crestfallen when I asked for "something cheap but good". We found a just-past-current HP desktop model that was on clearance for $699. It seemed like quite a deal, with dual-core processor, 2GB of RAM, 320GB hard drive, Windows Vista, the works!

Ah, but there was a fly in the ointment. The only one remaining was an "open box" unit - one that somebody else had returned. With a shudder I suddenly remembered why five years had passed since my last attempt at a purchase here. I told the fellow no, I've been burned by "open box" and I won't do it again. But he spieled a lovely story about how every returned unit goes to the repair shop for a complete checkup, operating system reinstall, everything back to a pristine, perfect state. What can I say - I was hypnotized! I bought it.

I couldn't set it up right away, but Saturday morning I was up early hoping to get it ready before the kids woke up. I blearily hooked everything up, poked the On switch... and watched it get ready to setup Windows XP. XP? I double-checked - the box, the receipt, and the price quotation all specified Vista. Further investigation revealed that the computer was 100% wrong. The size was close enough to fit in the box, but it was a completely different (and older) model! So much for the lovely story.

I drove the 20 miles back to the store, careful to avoid taking out my mood on the other drivers, and brought my lying box to the Customer Service department. They quickly confirmed the problem. However, the stockroom didn't have any more of this particular model, so they replaced it with the next newer model... IN MY DREAMS! In actual fact, after waiting around for an hour and letting more employees than I can count look for themselves to see that indeed the computer in the box was not what the box claimed, I was left high and dry. All they could offer was to give me LESS or have me pay MORE. Needless to say, I grabbed my refund and left.

But wait! The story has a happy ending. Closer to home I realized that I needed some printer paper and such. I swung into another chain store, one devoted to office supplies. And there, right by the checkout, was the exact same computer for the exact same price, but new and unopened, still sealed with the factory tape. A quick check-out (unlike the airport-style tedious checkout at That Other Place) and I was ready to wow my kids with Vista.